As I continue to work through the struggles of dealing with re-entry and anxiety, my body has decided to stop being my friend and plague me constantly with congestion and sinus pain. I feel mostly dizzy and feverish, as well as persistent pain in my head and face behind my eyes. I’ve been dealing with this since I returned from Guatemala but its driving me insane. I have very little motivation and stamina and I can’t tell whether or not its my anxiety or my un-wellness.
So today I grabbed my things and headed out to buy sinus relief drugs and Starbucks. As I’m sitting here I can hear the hum of the espresso machines, something I really miss from my barista days, trying to understand how I’m going to make it from Monday to Friday with all the craziness of life. It has been a big struggle to understand what I truly find important in my life because it feels like I don’t have energy for ANYTHING. Not because I don’t have time, but because I spend so much energy trying to stay awake! So for my own accountability, and because I’m a writer at heart, I’m going to post a few priorities that I think are in some ways, a good starting place for those who suffer from chronic anxiety as well, and feel as though they don’t have time for anything but avoiding panic attacks.
Being Creative is really important to me. I think we all have sparks of creativity inside us that could mean something to someone and potentially bring healing to our lives. With that in mind, I think that taking time to pursue what you WANT to do instead of what you HAVE to do is really important. Whether or not you have anxiety, but especially so if you do. Your creativity is your freedom. Why do you jeopardize it? FIND it!
Being Aware is also really essential. It think this is also really important for your friends. I know those who are close to me struggle to feel like they can understand why I’m flying off the handle so often. When I explain to them how I’m feeling and why things are the way they are, our interactions go much smoother than I expect. It’s not always easy to communicate your anxiety and exhaustion to those around you but I think its essential that you do, for you and them.
Being Intentional brings me to the most important thing about struggling with anxiety and exhaustion at the same time. I know when I work best and when there is no way I’m going to get anything done and I try to squeeze my life into those boxes in order that I don’t let everything slip away from me. Personally, I think the best way to do this is to cut everything out of your life that limits your ability to choose to spend your time they way you need to. This means that this semester I’m choosing to stay very free in my schedule. I do work, but I stay away from expectations and responsibilities that take up unnecessary emotional commitment. But I’m very self-motivated and dedicated without expectations. Not everyone is this way and sometimes when people have free time they end up using it for fun as opposed as for others or their own well-being. Bad idea. Find out what works for you and pursue that relentlessly.
Anyways, those are just some things I think about when I’m dealing with being about ready to pass out every minute of every day. Hope this helps with something!