I am so confused about why God places us where he places us. I just don’t understand.
To be perfectly honest, when I found out I was going to Guatemala for an International Studies internship, I had no real desire to change my life before or after. I thought I was fine the way I was. Things were going my way. And honestly, Guatemala felt like a rut in my plans. But I had to go to graduate and that seemed like a good reason.
And then I came here. And slowly my perspective began to change. When I imagine going home I can’t imagine being the same person who left. I’m sorry. But its no longer possible.
I have spent the last week playing with these little girls:
They make my life back home seem so. very. small.
Do me a favor and go back and read this post: I sound so different right? Its so insane. Even my anxiety seems to slip away when I see their little faces and hear their voices. Today one of them fell asleep in my arms for an hour. Then one got sick. I changed their clothes, fixed their hair, picked them up when they fell and put on their shoes. I have completely fallen in love with them. Guys, I don’t even speak their language.
Suddenly all of the things I wrote about, (clothes, pretty things, boys, malls) have disappeared and I only see the beauty of the mountains and their people. I love this place. I don’t want to leave them. I miss them when I’m not with them. How am I going to leave them?
I know that eventually I will have to go home. I know that I need to finish studying and pursue the career in teaching I so desperately want. And just like the time I went to England, I will cry myself to sleep for months because it was all so beautiful and there’s nothing I can do about it.
But my life is no longer made pretty by pretty things. My life has changed. My life doesn’t need to have pretty things. My life is a pretty thing.
Good luck trying to take me back to my old pretty life.