I feel like I’m living in the Tarzan living here. I spent the last two Saturdays hiking up the mountain I live and let me tell you…its glorious. There is something magical about climbing a mountain and looking over and seeing a smoking volcano. That was pretty cool.
However, the further I get from my life back home, the more I realize how hard it is to break constant patterns of my life. I thought I could just cut certain things (mostly ugly things) out of my life if I just moved to another country. FALSE. That’s not how it works. Wish it did.
It only gets worse. Instead of being like, “God, look at all this crap I am stuck in!” its more like, “God, look at all this crap I drag with me to other countries!”
Guys. ITS STILL HERE.
All those terrible parts of my humanness that I thought I could leave in the States didn’t stay in the States. And worse yet I’ve found that I actually like my humanness. Its waaaayyyyy easier to live my life the way I want. But its also really scary when you realize that they ONLY way to get rid of all the baggage I brought with me is to actually give it up. Give it to God and trust him to provide for my emotional needs. Way harder than trusting him with the weird stuff I eat at breakfast.
If you’re listening and care, would you pray that I learn to let go of myself and trust God with my feelings? with all the crap I brought with me? I’m running out of room in my heart. Really fast.