Last night my roommate said to me, “I came to Guatemala so I could be a missionary. I didn’t really want to go to school.”
I wanted to shot myself.
Is that how I’m supposed to feel? Because I have no desire to be missionary. Haven’t for a while. My idea of serving God doesn’t have a lot to do with good intentions and wanting to travel the world. All of a sudden I thought to myself, “I have to go home. I have nothing in common with these people.”
Guys, I have no qualifications to be a classic missionary:
I don’t want to travel the world (I just want to stay in one place)
I don’t like reading the Bible
I am not a conservative
I’m not very nice to dumb people
I don’t give a crap about what people tell me to do
And although I love Jesus, I LOVE Jesus. I just wanna be with Him. Not peddle Him.
So this is the end of the road for me. I have decided to drop out of the program and go home to where I (sorta) fit in.
Just kidding. I impulsively cut my bangs, cried and went to bed.
And when I woke up I realized that all these feelings made me more of a missionary than I originally thought.
When I first decided to go to Guatemala, I felt like it was a terrible idea. I remember standing in my room like, “HOLY CRAP. I am the WORST possible person to go overseas.” And it was that I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit speak to my heart: “Sarah, if you thought you could do this by yourself, I wouldn’t have called you.”
So my goal for week #4 is to live in that truth. God doesn’t call the ready, He calls the willing. I am willing.